This post was written for inclusion in the carnival hosted by The Artful Mama and Natural Parents Network. During this carnival our participants have focused on the many different forms and shapes Natural Parenting can take in our community.
No one said being a Mom would be easy. I remember before we had B I would confide in Joe that I was terrified of being a Mom. I had no clue what I was doing. I wasn't lucky like Joe in having a big age gap with siblings. He had years of experience raising his younger siblings. I had no years of experience doing that. Yes I had friends and siblings who had kids before me. I loved nights and weekends alone with my niece and nephew and it was easy but I knew it just wasn't the same as being on Mommy duty 24/7.
I surprised myself at how easy it was for me once B was born. No, I didn't know what to do all the time and yes I had many a OMG IS HE BREATHING moments but we got into our groove after a few weeks and from that point on it was like I was born to be a Mom.
What I was not prepared for was Mommy Guilt. It starts early doesn't it? It can be self imposed or felt from another Mom's judging eyes. I feel this is especially so because I am a Green Mom. I feel like every decision I make I am being judged by a million eyes. I am by no means perfect as a Mom or as a Green Mom but then again neither are you. We are all doing what we can to make this world a better place for the children in our lives. I try not to sensor myself here because I like being honest with you about just how green we are. But there is still that moment right before I hit Publish that I think 'shit xyz person is going to think I am the worst Green Mom ever'.
B wears disposable diapers. I have talked about that before and our experience with cloth. It doesn't stop me from advocating for people trying cloth but I sure as hell feel the Mommy Guilt when someone sees or hears we use disposable. It doesn't even matter that we have picked the greenest disposable on the market either. We are still part of the problem.
I own a stroller and I love it. I also own a Baby Hawk and I love it. It is all about moderation baby. We have taken our stroller around the world with us and use it when the situation is right. But our carrier is always with us too and we bust that bad boy out when we are off the beaten path or when we just want B extra close to us.
B has had fast food. In fact he is a french fry junkie. We make an effort to steer clear from McDonald's type places but doesn't mean he hasn't had a Happy Meal. I am really cautious that we are not teaching him that fast food is a treat....because it isn't. A treat is a handful of Annie's little bunny cookies or veggie chips. But I also want him to just be a kid and eat what other kids eat....so fries it is every once in awhile.
Part of Mommy Guilt for me is comparing myself to other Green Mom's. Some that I follow or interact with are at a level that I'm not sure I will ever be okay with. It gets to me sometimes but I am getting to a place now where I am learning to take comfort in the fact that there are lots more of us in the same place in life. Stand proud fellow Green Mom's!!! You are doing what you can do and there should be no shame or guilt in that.
Related Posts - Check them Out
Last Monday
Speed Bumps
Raising Green Kids
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This carnival was created by The Artful Mama and Natural Parents Network. We recognize that "natural parenting" means different things to different families, and we are dedicated to providing a safe place for all families, regardless of where they are in their parenting journeys.
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
- My kid is a technophile — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction hasn't turned in her natural parenting card yet, even though her son prefers electronic toys
- I'm a Natural Parent, but...I use medicine! — Adrienne at Mommying My Way admits that while she hesitates to do so, sometimes she does give her son some medicine when his symptoms get really bad.
- I'm Only Half Planning a Natural Birth — Shannon at The Artful Mama discloses how she is planning her semi-natural hospital birth and still dares to call herself a Natural Parent.
- Why we aren't rear facing — Shannon at Pineapples & Artichokes talks about her decision to turn her one-year-old daughter's carseat around, and how the argument always given for extended rear facing makes her feel.
- Musings of an Almost Crunchy Momma — Valerie at Momma in Progress re-examines her list of natural parenting litmus tests.
- Natural Parenting Does Not Equal Perfect Parenting — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama admits to several not-so-natural parenting and lifestyle practices.
- 10 Reasons to Revoke My Natural Parent Card — Laura at WaldenMommy: Life Behind the Red Front Door discusses why some of her less-than-crunchy practices are better for her family.
- I'm a Natural Parent - BUT... MacNCheese is Awesome. — Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy reveals her penchant for some far from healthy eating, cheap food recipes.
- Crunchy on the Inside — Wolfmother at Fabulous Mama Chronicles muses about how the stereotype of a natural parent does not do justice to the very dynamic group that this parenting philosophy attracts.
- My Reality — Megan from The Other Baby Book confesses a few things about her parenting.
- I'm Crunchy But... — Christy at Mommy Outnumbered shares confessions on all of her "non" crunchy ways.
- I'm A Natural Parent, But...it took me awhile — It took Kerry at City Kids Homeschooling awhile before fully understanding and appreciating Natural Parenting.
- I Am Not a Perfect Natural Parent — Momma Jorje shares her dirty little secrets as a mostly natural parent.
- Crunchy, But Not Crunchier Than Thou — Instead of comparing yourself to others, Dionna at Code Name: Mama encourages you to give yourself permission to be as crunchy as you can for right now.
- I’m a natural parent but…I love bedtimes — Terri at Child of the Nature Isle would never let her children cry-it-out, but she has a selection of other methods to encourage early bedtimes.
- I'm a Natural Parent - BUT... — Lani at Boobie Time Blog believes that following the principles of Natural Parenting doesn't mean you fit a stereotypical mold of societal view.
- Confessions of a Low Supply Mom — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children confesses her insecurities about being a low supply mom.
- I'm a natural parent, but. . . — Not eating her placenta is just one of the ways Ashley at Mama Raw falls short at being a natural parent.
- I'm a Natural Parent But...I have a Few Confessions — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment strives to be a Natural Mama, but wait, she has a few confessions!
- I'm a Natural Parent BUT — Carrie at LoveNotesMama confesses her gratitude for disposable diapers.
- Intestinal Dissection — Melissa from White Noise talks about how imperfection can be beautiful when it is buffered with love.
- How much sugar is too much? — Tat at Mum in Search shares how her no-sugar policy evolved into a balancing act, with the balance point not where she'd like to see it.
- I'm a Natural Parent, but. . . — Amyables at Toddler In Tow talks about three of her parenting habits that are not super "natural."
- Minus Ten Crunchy Points — Joella at Fine and Fair discusses how some of her parenting choices seen as "too crunchy" by those she knows in real life could get her kicked out of the crunchy mom clubs online.
- The Natural Parent "Model" — Kym at Our Crazy Corner of the World talks about her love for not-so-natural cosmetics and beauty products.
- Nice to meet you. — Eileen at Love & Greens talks about how being a natural mama means something different to her every day.
- natural parent blog carnival — Ashley at Daisy Pedals touches on several natural parenting topics; from cloth diapers to cleaning with natural cleaners.
- I'm a natural parent, but you'd be surprised — Lauren at Hobo Mama confesses to liking diet soda and TV and having lost all her reusable shopping bags.
- I’m a Natural Parent, but…. I don’t shop local — Luschka at Diary of a First Child confesses one of her greatest 'natural' failures - she doesn't shop local and support her community, despite wishing she could.
- Who You Callin' Natural? (a Carnival of Natural Parenting Contribution) — A bit of premise exposition, some tongue-in-cheek filler, and a photographic list of all the ways Embrita Blogging cheats at being natural.
- Dirty Secrets of a Green & Natural Mama (and Why I'm Not Afraid to Share Them!) — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares her definition of what it means to be a perfect mama as well as a few of her dirty little secrets.
- Green Mommy Guilt — Jen at Jen and Joey Green talks about how being a perfect Green Mom is overrated.
- Life Coping Devices — Amy at Anktangle discusses two ("non-AP") coping strategies her family has used for getting through difficult times with her son: the pacifier and the stroller.
- We use disposable diapers. There. I said it. — The mama at Our Muddy Boots shares a bed, nurses her 4 year old, is vegetarian, and is committed to homeschooling; but Pampers adorn her child's bottom. Ugh!
- Committed to Cloth, but... — Sheila at A Living Family affirms her love of cloth diapering, despite the draw of disposables.
- Natural Parenting as a Doorway to Deep Truths — Amy from Peace for Parents guest posts at Natural Parents Network and shares how for her "natural parenting" is much less about a definition and much more an avenue to explore truths of life.
- Chicken No-nos — Jessica at Pace Family Place strives to live naturally but feeds her oldest son some not-so natural things
Thank you! I too believe in moderation and sometimes the guilt I feel is CRAZY! I mean taking some time on the computer raises my Mother's eyebrow lol. We used cloth diapers but are using pull ups while potty training and I think, "wow am I hypocritical"... even though I know that McDonalds every now and then & disposable pullups do NOT make me a bad Mommy! Thank you for voicing your concerns it makes me feel a little more balanced hearing it from another Green Mommy!
ReplyDeleteUsing cloth diapers is a huge accomplishment so you should be proud of that and not worry about having to use disposable pullups! All in you are still way further ahead.
ReplyDeleteThanks for popping over to the weekend gathering hops, now following you via gfc hoping you will follow us back at http://www.beckvalleybooks.blogspot.com thanks in advance xx
ReplyDeleteI think as mothers there is always something to feel guilty about, its just part of the job. Jen i think you are an amazing mom and B is lucky to have you. I always knew you would be a great mom because you were so great with "I". Especially when you survived the play yard evening. You survived that night with no Joey and only a mild meltdown!
ReplyDeleteHi! Following you from the Weekend Gathering Blog Hop! Would love a visit back! Thanks!
ReplyDeleteDon't feel guilt about these things! I feel guilt if I forget to brush my daughter's teeth! lol
ReplyDeleteFollowing you from the Sunday Stalker Hop :)
I completely know what you mean. I try not to feel guilty, but its hard. We used all cloth with our oldest, but my youngest - when we first got him at his tiny preemie age of 5 weeks - was too small for any cloth I could find. So we used disposables. Once he was finally old enough (see big enough) to use cloth, we learned quickly that they would still leak on him no matter which ones we chose. So back to disposables. Boo on me right?
ReplyDeleteJust keep plugging. It aint easy being green, but every bit helps! I think some of these moms are creating children that are not going to be able to cope very well with the rest of the world and may go nuts in rebellion later!
Stopping by/following from the Stalker Hop!
XOXO
Paula
@Jenny - I feel guilty when I forget that too! Thankfully he asks to brush his teeth now (we moved his toothbrush and toothpaste to the powder room on the main floor - no clue why this made him start asking).
ReplyDelete@Paula - I have wondered that too. Will kids who have never had McDonalds go on a Big Mac rampage when they are older and allowed to make their own decisions or will the thought/taste of it make them feel gross or will they just never want to because they have never been exposed to it. I'm kind of thinking option 2 - they will eat it and then get that gross feeling afterwards and wonder what all the hype was about.
ReplyDeleteIt was if you read my mind! I too suffer from Mommy guilt every time I can't find what I really want to use and have to use what is available. I think to myself "how can I preach one thing" and have to use disposables sometimes, or supplement with formula to get a little much needed sleep with twins.
ReplyDeleteI haven't been able to stop my in laws from showering their children with chocolate candy or fast food and I know our kids are going to not want to be that different so, yes, Mommy guilt will be with me forever. Thank you for SAYING it.
I dare anyone to name one person who is an eco-perfectionist. This is why we can't give ourselves such a hard time for not always picking the most eco option!
ReplyDeleteIt is the comparisons that end up doing us in, yeah?! But we're all on our own journeys, and there is no shame in doing what is right for our families :)
ReplyDeleteWe are so hard on ourselves and others that we forget to look at the positives sometimes. We have to weigh what's best for our families and make the best decision we can with what we have.
ReplyDeleteWe do McDonald's drive-through. I keep seeing press reports about how they're cleaning up their act - no more gestation crates, etc, so I temper my guilt with that. But we do it often enough that Baz knows to ask for fries when someone passes me something through the window. ;-)
ReplyDeleteHi, new follower here! I very much agree, mommy guilt starts early. I have a 7 wk old and I am already feeling it. I had to go back to work last week (even though I work out of my home, its a standard 8 to 5 gig) so I am struggling with that. Also, there are no mommy and me groups in the evening in my small town, so I've had a few moments of "Oh, my baby will never have play dates! I'm a horrible mom!" It's hard to emotionally let go of that guilt even though logically you know you shouldn't have it. So I hear ya.
ReplyDeleteGreat post! I completely agree that it's all about moderation and that we're all just doing the best we can.
ReplyDeleteI truly feel that when your decisions become a burden, you're starting to fail... You have to fit your choices in with your lifestyle or they'll never be sustainable. Great post!
ReplyDelete@kijet - I didn't do Mommy and Me play groups either. I did meet some nice Mom's at Baby Bootcamp though and now we have B enrolled in swim classes and "sports" where he gets to interact the other kids. Maybe your town has similar programs?
ReplyDelete"sports" = 1 hr each week where they play a different sport each week. They basically learn the techniques for each sport.
Hardest thing we learn is that we cant compare ourselves with other crunchy mamas. To each their own, as long as you are doing what you know is right for your baby!
ReplyDeleteI truly believe that the toll guilt can take on our health and wellness is FAR worse than any of the minor little not-so-green choices we may make from day to day.
ReplyDeleteI am all about being centered and balanced and doing what is best for my family. It sounds like you've got that down. Get rid of that pesky old guilt (as you already are) and you'll be golden!